June 28

You are a master of pulling heartstrings, capable of getting a rise out of any audience. Comedians MEL BROOKS and GILDA RADNER perfected the art of making us laugh, whereas JOHN ELWAY made us cry when he led the Broncos to a win in Superbowl XXXIII—the last game of his career. (You puppeteers always time your exits for dramatic effect.) KING HENRY VIII took the heartstring pull and made it a yank, getting two of his wives executed for infidelity. He also took another of his birthday traits too far: the man enjoyed a good meal. Problem is, he didn’t realize we’d all be looking at portraits of him 500 years later. Perhaps Jenny Craig would have been a suitable seventh wife.